π¬πΈπΈπ΅
Dec. 4th, 2024 05:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xoxxaxeit’s been a long time since i haven’t felt ββΛ.β π¬πΈπΈπ΅ ββΛ.β
i know "there’s no such thing as being cool" or "everyone is unique so we’re cool in our own way" and i hear that for everyone else. but i have this rooted feeling that i’m not π¬πΈπΈπ΅. i know i shouldn’t categorize people but i always find myself doing that tho i mostly do it to myself. my best friends are two of the coolest people i know. i admire them for many reasons. i don’t think i’m as cool as them. sometimes it feels like what i like is so basic and it feels boring compared to them. i love that they are unpredictable (even tho i know them very well sooo i am able to predict some stuff). and i feel like i am very predictable because i like everything that everyone loves. i know its not bad to love what everyone else loves and i’m not saying that. i just feel like i’m obvious, boring, i lack quirkiness and oddness and muchness.
i love change in people. i love seeing them evolve wether it’s good or bad. and i’m jealous. i am jealous because i see everyone becoming someone else than they were and i feel like i’m still the same as i’ve always been. it feels frustrating, enraging and depressing to have been stuck with the same girl for so many years. i don’t think i like her anymore. i used to like her so much, i remember telling her how π¬πΈπΈπ΅ i thought she was. i feel disconnected. i think if my ex friends would see me now, they would think i’m still the same and i don’t like that.
dont get me wrong i don’t think i’m unπ¬πΈπΈπ΅. i don’t feel like telling you more and i don’t know how to extend my thoughts about all this. my head feels overwhelming and overwhelmed.
i know "there’s no such thing as being cool" or "everyone is unique so we’re cool in our own way" and i hear that for everyone else. but i have this rooted feeling that i’m not π¬πΈπΈπ΅. i know i shouldn’t categorize people but i always find myself doing that tho i mostly do it to myself. my best friends are two of the coolest people i know. i admire them for many reasons. i don’t think i’m as cool as them. sometimes it feels like what i like is so basic and it feels boring compared to them. i love that they are unpredictable (even tho i know them very well sooo i am able to predict some stuff). and i feel like i am very predictable because i like everything that everyone loves. i know its not bad to love what everyone else loves and i’m not saying that. i just feel like i’m obvious, boring, i lack quirkiness and oddness and muchness.
i love change in people. i love seeing them evolve wether it’s good or bad. and i’m jealous. i am jealous because i see everyone becoming someone else than they were and i feel like i’m still the same as i’ve always been. it feels frustrating, enraging and depressing to have been stuck with the same girl for so many years. i don’t think i like her anymore. i used to like her so much, i remember telling her how π¬πΈπΈπ΅ i thought she was. i feel disconnected. i think if my ex friends would see me now, they would think i’m still the same and i don’t like that.
dont get me wrong i don’t think i’m unπ¬πΈπΈπ΅. i don’t feel like telling you more and i don’t know how to extend my thoughts about all this. my head feels overwhelming and overwhelmed.
i hope you feel π¬πΈπΈπ΅ cause you are
no subject
Date: 2025-03-13 03:52 pm (UTC)wish i've read that sooner.
cause even though u felt how u felt and i respect it, u're actually the most gorgeous person i've ever accounter, u ain't boring, u're still animated by this childish sparks which makes u so special, so bright and so so so so not boring. i know it seems like u never evoled, but it's been 10y of friendship and even though comparison is not a wise thing to do, u're being a fool if u think u stayed the same person as when we were sixteen.
maybe u're a girl of routine, maybe it messes with you, maybe you don't want that anymore, but it doesnt mean u ain't capable of being more than this, doesn't mean u never changed, means you prolly need more change than you can afford rn cause life is shit and u inspire to something else,
those are just assumptions and my thoughts on it.
you can't be uncool or boring when u're so curious about the world around u, idk how to explain this to you whitout trying so hard to prove to you that you're wrong, cause thats not what i wanna do, BUT to me u're the coolest person ever for many reasons i've been compiling since 10y, don't lose faith in yourself cause even though you're into basic bitch stuff, u're everthing but basic!! I see a bunch of colors in u which want nothing but to explode and get rid of a self destructive pressure that u put on urself i know it doesnt make a lot of sense but don't let those bad thoughts get into u, cause you're way more than what you described above.
(for the record, your old friends were part of the problem so never ever EVER base your analysis on what they could think of u)
no subject
Date: 2025-03-14 03:34 pm (UTC)ily
thank you
iβll read this comment forever and ever pls never delete your account